the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
