I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
