i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize