it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
