I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
