if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
