This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
