So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
