It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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