there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
