Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
