Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
