my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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