there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
