Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
