He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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