Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
