Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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