whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
