he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
