There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drake has all the answers
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
