the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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