Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
