I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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