I wish I could punch you in the face.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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