Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
