Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
