i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I could make wine with my vomit
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
