We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
