I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he was CRYING into my vagina
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
