I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
