I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
