That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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