I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
false alarm, still single
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
