He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
