How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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