Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
