im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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