Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize