i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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