my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
