I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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