For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
