some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
