I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
