This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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