I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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