Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
