Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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