I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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