Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
