you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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