The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
