the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
