i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
