dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
