I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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