She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
