i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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