the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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