i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
