I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
