ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
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Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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