Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
