I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
