This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
